Once something becomes known as one name . . . no matter how that came to be . . . those names are very rarely changed.  But that won’t stop the internet from fantasizing.

In an online forum, someone asked, “What is badly named, and what’s a better name for it?”  And people had a LOT of fun with that.  Here are our favorites:

1.  Dentures . . . should be “substitooths.”

 

2.  Contractions . . . should be “birthquakes.”  (That’s LABOR contractions . . . not like WON’T and CAN’T.)

 

3.  Any bacon alternative . . . should be “fācon.”

 

4.  Iceland should be Greenland . . . and Greenland should be Iceland.  (But in that case, Greenland may need to be re-named AGAIN in a few years.)

 

5.  Similarly, a driveway should be a parkway . . . and a parkway should be a driveway.

 

6.  And someone suggested that garbage men should be re-named “pick-up artists” . . . and pick-up artists should be called “garbage men.”  Get it?

 

7.  Jet skis . . . should be “boatercycles.”

 

8.  Astronomers . . . should be called “skyintists.”

 

9.  Donuts . . . should be “sugar bagels.”

 

10.  Milk . . . should be “cereal sauce.”

 

11.  Couch . . . should be “human shelf.”

 

12.  (PG-13)  Hemorrhoids . . . should be “asteroids.”

 

13.  A “randomized double blind trial” . . . should be a “trick or treatment.”

 

14.  Head and Shoulders . . . should have a body soap called Knees and Toes.

 

15.  And olives should be “Greece’s Pieces.”  (???)

(Reddit)

(We also liked this one:  Boob sweat should be “humidi-t*tties.”  You probably can’t say that . . . literally . . . it’s quite a tongue-twister.)